This Life
by ashtondene
Summary: Peyton and Nathan return to Tree Hill lost souls of people they used to be, watch as they take the journey to become the people they once both believed in. M Rating for Language/Drug Use
1. Shakespeare & The Ramones

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not One Tree Hill, Shakespeare or the Ramones.

A/N: This is my first multi-fic story. The first chapter sort of jumps right into the story, and for some reason, I just write dark and depressed better than happy. So please stick with the story, I promise it has happy moments. As always, please review. I work better with feedback and it is encouraging to know that people are enjoying your story.

With that; read, enjoy, & review!

Shakespeare once wrote,

"We know what we are, but we know not what we maybe"

* * *

When I was nineteen, I thought I had the whole world figured out. I was in L.A. pursuing my dreams in the music industry, the love of my life, Lucas Scott, had finished his first novel and was working on getting it published. We loved one another and we were going to have the rest of our lives to watch our dreams come true together.

Apparently though, I did not have the world figured out. Lucas suddenly showed up in L.A. with a ring and a proposal and I freaked out. And by freaked out, I mean FREAKED OUT. I never said no, I just said not right now. You see in my world, we would be together when our dreams had been realized, not before then. What I had understood was that to Lucas, being married to me was a dream realized. Well, me not realizing this realized dream of Lucas and I said "Not now", not no, just not now. To Lucas though, this was a crushing blow, one that he could not withstand. So instead of waiting, he left. He left our relationship without a solitary goodbye. Instead, I woke up to an empty hotel room, alone.

Suddenly, I wasn't sure about not only what I might be, but what I was. Without Lucas, I was lost. I had become so used to him saving me I wasn't sure how to save myself. So, for the past two years I have been a lost child, a wandering soul. I no longer have dreams to pursue. Instead I spend my time chasing memories, trying to recreate a happiness that has long escaped me. On the darkest nights, when the memories were too much, I created my own escape, cocaine. The two times I did it were agonizingly painful. Instead of the sleep I craved, I found myself awake and unable to shut off my mind. Those two times were times I remembered how badly I hated myself when I had done this before. They reminded me that I had two moms who were watching and I was disappointing them.

I haven't touched drugs in a year and a half. I can be a lost, wandering soul without drugs. I realized that then. Amazingly, I pulled myself out of that stupor, but I just haven't been able to shake the whole Lucas is never coming back thing. I still do not know how to save myself, I don't know how he did it all those times before.

The only person who has reached me in these past two years has been Brooke. Despite the drama in high school, she is my best friend, my rock and my confidant. Even she has not been able to save me from myself and the loss that I feel. She does her best to comfort me and to make sure that every once 

in a while I reconnect with the outside world. Sometimes Brooke is the only one that can find me. When the rest of the world walked out, Brooke was still here, right beside me.

I called Brooke a couple of weeks ago. I told her that I needed to go home, home to Tree Hill. I am just so tired of running after memories. It is time to face the past. Brooke, a successful fashion designer with a great life in New York didn't even hesitate before answering. Instead there was an immediate yes and before I knew what was happening she had dove into moving plans and coordinating schedules. Thank God for that or I might have never left L.A.

We just got back home and no one knows we are here. Brooke has rented a beautiful house for us and we have spent the past week unpacking and drinking ungodly amounts of wine. I know one day soon we, or more specifically I, will have to leave the nest Brooke has created for me and face my demons. For now, I want the wine to keep the demons away, I enjoy this sedated state of mind.

Maybe tomorrow.

* * *

_Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated  
Nothin' to do and no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated  
Just get me to the airport put me on a plane  
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane  
I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain  
Oh no no no no no  
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go...  
Just put me in a wheelchair, get me on a plane  
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane  
I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain  
Oh no no no no no  
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated  
Nothin' to do and no where to go-o-o I wanna be sedated  
Just put me in a wheelchair get me to the show  
Hurry hurry hurry before I go loco  
I can't control my fingers I can't control my toes  
Oh no no no no no  
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go...  
Just put me in a wheelchair...  
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated  
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated  
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated  
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated_

* * *

As a senior in high school I had the entire world in my hands. I had a beautiful wife that I loved. I had an amazing son that I loved from the moment I laid my eyes on him. I had a scholarship to Duke to play basketball. My dream had come true. So much more had come true that I had ever even imagined having in my life.

Then one day, my world came crashing down all around me. It was my third year at Duke, we had won the NCAA tournament the season before and where ranked number one going into the preseason. There were talks that I could be drafted after this season, if I could put up the numbers I had my freshman and sophomore seasons. Even this day, the whole world was mine. Then there was the frantic phone call from Haley. Something was wrong with Jamie, I couldn't even understand her she was so hysteric on the phone.

By the time I got to the hospital, it was too late, Jamie was already gone. He had been playing on the slide in the park with Haley. Somehow he fell off and the force of the fall had been enough to crush the life right out of him. The doctors told me he was gone before they ever even reached the hospital. The light of my life was suddenly gone and from that point on everything was dark.

Selfishly, I blamed Haley for everything. She should have been more careful. She should have been watching. I took all the anger and rage I felt and directed it to Haley. After the first month of anger, I just started to ignore her. I acted like she wasn't there and that Jamie had never happened. Instead I focused all of my energy on basketball. Amazingly, it still came as a surprise that Haley left me. I came home from a road game to find all of her things gone and divorce papers sitting on the kitchen counter. For some reason, I never thought that I would lose her. No matter what I did, I truly believed that she would always be there.

In a way, losing Haley was worse than losing Jamie, because it meant that I had lost everything important in my life. When Haley left is when my concentration lacked in basketball. Going into the post season I was having the season of my life, but then I suddenly froze. I was nothing on the court. The team managed to make a Final Four appearance, but all talk of me going pro had vanished into thin air. I was lucky that Coach K believed in me and my talent, or I could have been cut right then. However, he asked me to come back for my fourth and final season. As this point in life I had nothing but basketball, so of course I agreed.

By the start of my senior season I was ready to prove to the world I was back. And I came out on fire. It was in the first round of the tournament though, that I saw my last dream come crashing down around 

me. I came down wrong from a simple breakaway layup and shattered my knee. That was the end for me. I rehabbed and got better, I could have played again, but my heart just wasn't in it.

Now I spend my days in Tree Hill hiding in the beach house consumed by alcohol. I know that eventually I will have to go out and face the world, but for now, I just want to forget every memory that I have ever formed. I want to be in a sedated state of mind, one where I am just here and that is all.

I can't face the world today, maybe tomorrow.

* * *

_Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated  
Nothin' to do and no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated  
Just get me to the airport put me on a plane  
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane  
I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain  
Oh no no no no no  
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go...  
Just put me in a wheelchair, get me on a plane  
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane  
I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain  
Oh no no no no no  
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated  
Nothin' to do and no where to go-o-o I wanna be sedated  
Just put me in a wheelchair get me to the show  
Hurry hurry hurry before I go loco  
I can't control my fingers I can't control my toes  
Oh no no no no no  
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go...  
Just put me in a wheelchair...  
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated  
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated  
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated  
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated_


	2. Rita Hayworth & John Mayer

A/N: Because you guys have rocked my world with all the amazing reviews! Thank you so much for the outpouring of support for this fic, I hope you will continue to enjoy the ride. I enjoy hearing what you have to say, so keep up the reviews and I will try to keep updating often :)

Get on with it! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. But you should check out John Mayer, I love most of his songs.

* * *

Rita Hayworth's Gravestone reads,

To Yesterday's Companionship and Tomorrow's Reunion…

* * *

Today was the day, the day I had to venture out of the safe haven Brooke had provided for us. Unable to face any one living, I have decided to go and visit my mom. It is so odd to me that I used to be here all the time. When I was happy, when I was sad, when I hated the world I came here. I came here with Lucas and he would visit Keith. It strikes me as more odd that I have been away so long. For so many years this place helped me find myself, she helped me find myself, and yet, these past few years I have stayed away.

So here I am sitting, not knowing what to say, or where to start if I even can. Instead of talking I decide to just push my cheek against the cold, smooth stone and feel my mom. She doesn't need words to know I am here. I stayed in this half crouching, half laying position for a while, I must have even dozed off for a bit. The sun is shining and I suddenly feel invigorated and free. Without even saying a word, I feel like my world is coming more together.

As I got up to walk out I decided that I should probably go and visit Keith, I hadn't been by his grave in a while. I was slowly wandering over when I saw a dark haired man crouching at the foot of a grave a couple down from Keith, I wasn't sure who it was, I never remembered a grave being there when I had visited Keith's grave before. The closer I got I realized that the man was holding a bottle and his body was racked by the sobs he couldn't contain.

I almost stopped. I didn't want to intrude on this man. He was obviously struggling. As I went to turn around I did stop. The man's piercing blue eyes locked with mine and I felt an immediate shiver run down my spine.

The drunken sobbing man was Nathan. As I stood frozen in time I heard "Peyton?" quietly slip from his lips. I was so shocked it took me a moment to muster a nod, then I realized with the tears that were streaming from his eyes he didn't hear me, so in the same manner as him I quietly said, "yeah Nate it's me Peyton" and when I thought his sobs couldn't get any louder they did.

All this time I was still wondering whose grave he could be standing at, my mind first rushed to Haley, but then I remembered Brooke mentioning something about her being in town or something, I really hadn't paid much attention.

And then like a ton of bricks, it hit me; Nathan was at Jamie's grave. All of the peace and calm that I had just felt rushed out of me into a gut wrenching sob. Before I even knew what my feet were doing I was at Nathan's side holding him. In that moment, I just wanted him to be ok, it was like nothing Nathan and I had ever done before.

I'm not sure how long we stood like that, with Nate in my arms, but I knew I wasn't going to break the embrace first. When Nathan finally lifted his head off my shoulder it was twilight. There were no words spoken between us, instead Nathan just grabbed my hand and we started walking towards my car.

The whole time we were walking I was wondering about what was going to happen next….I hadn't seen Nathan in almost two years and I had obviously missed out on some important parts of his life. Before I realized it we were at my car, the only one in the whole place. Wanting to avoid any conversation that might take place, I hugged Nate and quickly told him goodbye as I hopped in my car.

Honestly, I'm not sure why I rushed away so fast, but I think it might have been because I really didn't want to hear about Nathan's life and to see the suffering that he was going through. It would make my life problems seem so little and insignificant, and well, I'm just not really ready to deal with that just yet.

* * *

Another long night of drinking alone at the beach house somehow turned into a midmorning walk to the cemetery. I know better to visit there when I am in such a state, but it seem s like the only way I can face going there is after one of those long nights drinking.

And then once I get to my sweet boy's grave I am suddenly ashamed and overwhelmed by guilt. Ashamed that the only time I can visit him is when I am drunk. Ashamed that I drove his mom away. The guilt overtakes me as I realize I missed out on so much of his life to pursue my dream of basketball and I was so quick to give that up when everything else went wrong.

I find myself uncontrollably sobbing at the foot of his grave. For him. For Haley. But mostly for myself. It is at the low moment, like all of these visits are, that I hear someone approaching. I had heard from Luke that Haley was going to be in town, and I find myself hoping it is not her, I don't want her to see me here like this. Suddenly, amid the sobs, I realize that it is someone who doesn't recognize me, Luke wouldn't bother me if it was him and Haley would already have stormed over to me by now.

As I look up I am surprised to be faced by the curly haired girl I once loved, Peyton. Without meaning to her name silently escapes my lips. It takes her a moment to respond, but she does, and the without warning, I find myself overtaken by her embrace. This is all I need to truly breakdown, and I do.

I am not sure how long I stayed in Peyton's arms, but when I finally take my head away from her shoulder, I realize it is already twilight. Not knowing how to thank her for the sudden calm that has overtaken me in these hours in Peyton's arms, I gently grab her hand and start off in the direction of her car.

I can tell that for some reason I have made her uncomfortable walking hand in hand like this, and as much as she is uncomfortable, I am oddly at peace walking with her like this. It has been a long time since I have been around Peyton, too long I must admit. We have missed large, important parts of one another's lives. Faster than I would have liked we reach Peyton's car. Not in the least am I surprised when she quickly gets into her car and leaves me standing alone.

Even with her abrupt leaving, I can't remember the last time I was so comfortable.

At least I made it outside today. The rest of the world can wait another day.

* * *

As I drive home I let the car fill with the sound of the radio and I can't help but think that my first venture out of the house couldn't have been any better.

I had missed Nathan. Him being in my arms was so…familiar. Even if walking hand in hand was odd.

It was on that walk I realized how much I missed him.

Sadly, I know I still have to face the rest of Tree Hill.

Tomorrow.

…Maybe I will see Nate again…

* * *

_I just remembered that time at the market  
Snuck up behind me and jumped on my shopping cart  
_

_And rolled down aisle five  
You looked behind you to smile back at me  
Crashed into a rack full of magazines  
They asked us if we could leave_

I cant remember what went wrong last september  
Though Im sure youd remind me if you had to

Our love was comfortable and so broken in

I sleep with this new girl Im still getting used to  
My friends all approve,  
Say shes gonna be good for you  
They throw me high fives  
She says the Bible is all that she reads  
And prefers that I not use profanity  
Your mouth was so dirty

Life of the party and she swears that shes artsy  
But you could distinguish miles from coltrane

Our love was comfortable and so broken in  
Shes perfect  
So flawless  
Or so they say

She thinks I cant see the smile that shes faking  
And poses for pictures that arent being taken  
I loved you  
Grey sweatpants  
No makeup  
So perfect

Our love was comfortable and so broken in  
Shes perfect  
So flawless  
Im not impressed  
I want you back


	3. Nelson Mandela & The Replacements

**A/N: First thank you so much to the people who review, it is for you that I try to update so fast! (and well Mariaana keeps harassing me! I do the same to you, I know). This chapter continues to set the stage for the rest of the story, right now, you are seeing Nathan and Peyton sort of come to grips with being back in Tree Hill, so thank you for joining me on this journey, I hope it doesn't disappoint. **

**And really, I don't like to beg, but pretty please with a cherry on top, leave me a review :) it is so nice to hear what people have to say about the story, and well I write it for you as much as for me. thanks!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own OTH, Nelson Mandela or The Replacements, just find them all interesting.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Nelson Mandela once said,

"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."

* * *

Ugh. Morning. My head is killing me.

Might have to do with the three bottles of wine Brooke and I drank last night.

Bottle One: To celebrate my venturing out of the house.

Bottle Two: To forget that Lucas is marrying Lindsey

Bottle Three: Bottle two just didn't go the trick.

The last thing I remember last night was promising Brooke I would still venture out of the house. As I remember this my stomach starts growling. It needs a hangover breakfast and quick. Although I am not over Lucas and the news of his engagement, I am going to keep my promise to Brooke and get out of the house today.

Slowly I get up out of bed and quietly tip toe to Brooke's room. I pop my head in and find that she is still in bed as well. She sees me looking in and the loudest whisper our head can stand she says, "As soon as my head stops ringing I am going to KILL you P. Sawyer"

At this I laugh and join her on her bed. I love living with your best friend. When I was in LA and had a terrible hangover in the morning, I never could call Brooke and complain because with the time difference she was already busy at work. Some days when Brooke would call me all hung over I would just be making my way home for the night. This was much better than that. Brooke, like me, is in need of breakfast. So, trying to be the best friend, I say, "How about Karen's Café? It is the best breakfast in town…"

And I am not kidding, Brooke seriously fell off the bed in shock. I mean, I knew it would surprise her, me wanting to go to the café, but her falling of the bed made by day. We both started laughing until we were crying. Then I helped Brooke up and made my way to my room to get some clothes on.

After about thirty minutes in my room, Brooke barges in to find me sitting on my bed with clothes strewn everywhere and me in only my boy shorts and a bra. I had thought I was strong enough to go, but I just wasn't really sure if I could do it. Thank God, Brooke, like always gave me a smile and encouraged me.

So after another twenty minutes Brooke and I left the house fully clothed and starving for breakfast.

* * *

_Well a person can work up a mean mean thirst  
after a hard day of nothin' much at all  
Summer's passed, it's too late to cut the grass  
There ain't much to rake anyway in the fall_

And sometimes I just ain't in the mood  
to take my place in back with the loudmouths  
You're like a picture on the fridge that's never stocked with food  
I used to live at home, now I stay at the house

And everybody wants to be special here  
They call your name out loud and clear  
Here comes a regular  
Call out your name  
Here comes a regular  
Am I the only one here today?

Well a drinkin' buddy that's bound to another town  
Once the police made you go away  
And even if you're in the arms of someone's baby now  
I'll take a great big whiskey to ya anyway

Everybody wants to be someone's here  
Someone's gonna show up, never fear  
'cause here comes a regular  
Call out your name  
Here comes a regular  
Am I the only one who feels ashamed?

Kneeling alongside old Sad Eyes  
He says opportunity knocks once then the door slams shut  
All I know is I'm sick of everything that my money can buy  
The fool who wastes his life, God rest his guts

First the lights, then the collar goes up, and the wind begins to blow  
Turn your back on a pay-you-back, last call  


_First the glass, then the leaves that pass, then comes the snow  
Ain't much to rake anyway in the fall _

* * *

Brooke, had been to the café numerous times and had seen Karen. When I hesitated to walk in Brooke told me that Karen had asked about me and had been worried about me, but she had told Brooke she understood why I hadn't been in to see her. This confession made me feel terrible that I hadn't seen Karen since I had been back. She had been an important part of my life. With this I walked in with a smile on my face to greet a woman I love.

When Karen saw me she quickly threw down the towel she was holding and rushed around the corner to envelop me in a huge. At her kindness I felt tears come to my eyes and silently scolded myself for avoiding a woman who had done nothing but love me. After the hug Karen took our orders and Brooke and I found a booth.

I must admit, I was relieved to see that Lucas was not here this morning. Brooke and I were chatting about Clothes Over Bros while we waited for our food and I agreed to go by and see her shop. She wanted me to do the interior painting and I hadn't been by to see it yet. When Karen brought us our food I invited her to join Brooke and I.

Brooke filled Karen in on how the store was progressing and told her I was going to paint it for her. This admission prompted Karen to ask me what I was doing for a job in Tree Hill. I told her I really didn't have any plans, but that I needed to find something as I couldn't live off Brooke forever. Karen told me that she was looking for help managing and finding bands for Tric. Before I could get an word in edge wise Brooke squealed "P. Sawyer that is SO perfect for you" then she turned to Karen and said "She will take it!"

At this point a customer walked in so Karen left to attend to them. When Brooke finally looked at me I was glaring at her from across the booth. I then hissed "Did you seriously just do that Brooke?"

With her best cheerleading smile and fakest voice ever she said, "P. Sawyer, you will thank me for this one day" And before I could even rebut this a familiar face walked in the door.

As soon as Haley saw us she came running to our table embracing both Brooke and I. Like everyone else in Tree Hill, I hadn't talked to Haley since Luke and I broke up, but Brooke and Haley had continued their friendship. However, when Jamie died and Haley left Nathan, Haley sort of stopped talking to any of her friend except Lucas. Like Karen before, we asked Haley to join us. In typical Haley fashion she started talking and just wouldn't quit. She had graduated from Stanford, where she transferred after she left Nathan, and was thinking about being a teacher. She seemed very excited to tell me she had signed with a small, independent record label in Seattle and was making a new life there. I was so happy for her.

And then she explained she was in town for Luke's wedding, but after a not so subtle glare from Brooke she quickly jumped up and said she had to go. I wanted Haley to know I wasn't upset with her for bringing up Luke's wedding, so I suggested that she come over to our house for dinner that night. She agreed and had her hundred watt smile on, obviously pleased to be catching up with us.

Shortly after Haley left, Brooke and I paid our tab and headed to Brooke's shop. Walking in, I was overwhelmed by the sense of pride I felt for my best friend. Even empty I was impressed by Brooke's success and vision. She let me quietly walk around studying the walls and getting a feel for the area. As I circled back to the front, she joined arms with me and said, "Let me tell you about the place P. Sawyer" and we walked around with Brooke telling me where things were going to hang and what was going to be displayed where.

I sat down in the middle of the floor with the sketch pad Brooke had presented me with and she walked out saying, "Make sure it is _happy _P. Sawyer & don't be late for dinner with Haley!"

When Brooke asked me if I would paint her walls, I didn't have the heart to tell her I hadn't sketched or painted in years. So, I sat for a while just holding the marker next to the paper, and suddenly, I knew exactly what to draw. After sketching about ten different ideas, I shut the book and decided to head home. Drawing had given me the sense of calm, it reminded me of who I was. Who I was before Lucas, and that gave me power. I felt the littlest bit healed.

I arrived home to Haley already at the house with her and Brooke in the kitchen. They both stopped what they were doing to look at me, and Haley said, "No wonder you invited me for dinner, Brooke can't cook at all! It is no surprise you are still so skinny." At this I laughed and started setting the table on the deck that overlooked the river. When the food was done we sat down with a bottle of wine. Amazingly, catching up with Haley gave me the same sense of calm that sketching had. As many problems as we had in high school, she was still an important part of my life. And this Haley, the Haley now, I could relate to more than ever. The sparkle in her eyes was a little less, and sadness replaced it. As sadness I could see and relate to, because it was a sadness I had as well.

Before we knew it, we had managed to drink another three bottles of wine and Haley ended up sleeping on the couch.

As I crawled in bed I was overtaken by thoughts of how great this day had been, and I was mad at myself for avoiding the people that I loved for so long. I was mad at myself for not being a better friend to Haley, especially when Jamie died. With all these thoughts in my head I got up and pulled my jeans on and tip toed out of the house.

_Well a person can work up a mean mean thirst  
after a hard day of nothin' much at all  
Summer's passed, it's too late to cut the grass  
There ain't much to rake anyway in the fall_

And sometimes I just ain't in the mood  
to take my place in back with the loudmouths  
You're like a picture on the fridge that's never stocked with food  
I used to live at home, now I stay at the house

And everybody wants to be special here  
They call your name out loud and clear  
Here comes a regular  
Call out your name  
Here comes a regular  
Am I the only one here today?

Well a drinkin' buddy that's bound to another town  
Once the police made you go away  
And even if you're in the arms of someone's baby now  
I'll take a great big whiskey to ya anyway

Everybody wants to be someone's here  
Someone's gonna show up, never fear  
'cause here comes a regular  
Call out your name  
Here comes a regular  
Am I the only one who feels ashamed?

Kneeling alongside old Sad Eyes  
He says opportunity knocks once then the door slams shut  
All I know is I'm sick of everything that my money can buy  
The fool who wastes his life, God rest his guts

First the lights, then the collar goes up, and the wind begins to blow  


_Turn your back on a pay-you-back, last call  
First the glass, then the leaves that pass, then comes the snow  
Ain't much to rake anyway in the fall _

After walking for a while, I found myself at the cemetery. I stopped by my mom and said hello and gave her an update on my day. Unlike the day before, I knew exactly what to tell her. I only stayed a few minutes, then I wandered over to Jamie's grave and found myself overwhelmed by tears. They were tears for Haley. Tears for Nathan. Tears because no one so young deserves to die. As I looked up I sensed that I was no longer alone and cursed myself for being in such a dark, deserted area so late at night.

Sensing my fear, I heard, "Peyton, it is just me, Nathan." And I turned around to see Nathan standing a few feet behind me. Unlike the day before, a sober Nathan quickly embraced me in a hug and held me. I pulled away to look at him and notice he had also tears in his eyes, so I reached up and gently wiped them from his face. I then nodded towards the bench and pulled away to walk over, and again, he grabbed my hand and never let go.

We sat on the bench and I looked at him and said, "Nate, tell me everything about your life. I have missed so much and for that I am truly sorry. I want to start being a better friend. So tell me, how is life Nate?"


	4. Oasis Saving Nathan

**A/N: Since, I love my loyal readers, here is ch. 4 for ya! Please read, enjoy & review!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own OTH or Oasis**

* * *

It has been said,

"To live is to suffer. To survive, that is to find meaning in something"

* * *

It was another sleepless night, but unlike the others, tonight I was sober, and for some unknown reason I felt as if I was being called to the cemetery. At first I shook this thought off, but when sleep wouldn't come, I decided that I should probably go to Jamie's grave.

On my walk there I tried to remember the last time I had been to Jamie's grave sober, and the sad thing is that I couldn't remember. As I approached his grave I saw a figure hunched over crying. My first thought was Haley, I had bumped into her in town earlier in the day and I was surprised to see the sadness that had overtaken her eyes. I was taken back though when the moon hit the hunched figure and I saw the glowing of blond curls. Quietly, I walked up to behind the girl, and as I got closer I realized that it was in fact Peyton. I didn't want to scare her and I saw her tense up as she realized she wasn't alone. Quickly I said, "Peyton, it is just me, Nathan."

Before I knew what I was doing I had pulled Peyton in for a hug and held her. Part of me was curious to why Peyton was at Jamie's grave in the middle of the night, but the other part of me was comforted by the fact that Peyton cared enough to visit Jamie; I know how she is with cemeteries. This confusion that was going on in my mind brought tears to my eyes and it was at this moment that Peyton pulled away and noticed them. I felt my entire body shiver as she gently reached up and brushed them off my face. It was like no other moment we had ever shared together.

She nodded to the bench and pulled away to start walking towards it, and as she did, I once again grabbed her hand and didn't let go. There is just something so simple about holding Peyton's hand that heals my heart. We sat in silence for a few moments, then she looked at me and said, "Nate, tell me everything about your life. I have missed so much and for that I am truly sorry. I want to start being a better friend. So tell me, how is life Nate?"

I was shocked by this question. Not because I thought Peyton didn't care about me, but because I couldn't come up with a single answer that I felt like sharing with Peyton. Noticing that I was struggling with what to say Peyton said, "Nate, it is me, you can tell me anything. I am going to be here no matter what the truth is."

Her words were so comforting. No matter how ugly or bad the truth was, she was going to listen. So I figured I might as well start with the beginning. I was really glad she was still holding on to my hand. I looked into her eyes with mine full with tears and said, "Peyton, it was all my fault, I spent all my time playing basketball, playing some stupid game my dad pushed me into and I lost everything…"

For the first time since Jamie had died, I really let go of everything and I felt the flood gates break and I was overtaken by emotions. Peyton slipped her hand out of mine and pulled me into an embrace and let me cry.

Once I pulled myself together, I decided to start from the beginning.

"See, when Jamie died, I didn't know what to do, I blamed myself for spending so many hours at practice and being gone on the road for games. After a while though, I was so angry, that I started blaming Haley. She was the one that took him to the park, she should have been watching, she could have prevented him falling…"

At this admission I expect Peyton to say something about how bouncy two year old boys are, or that Haley is a good mom, or just anything to let me know how wrong my line of thinking was, but instead she just looks into my eyes and wipes away a tear from my cheek. So I proceed on.

"Eventually, I just started ignoring Haley, and put all my concentration into basketball. I was the old Nathan, fueled by anger, hate and the loss of my son. It was not a pretty combination, but I was doing really well at basketball. Then, one night I got home late from a road game and walked into a half empty house and found divorce papers and I lost it. As mean as I was to her, I never thought she would leave me. I undoubtly deserved for her to leave me, but I really didn't think it would ever happen.

When she left, I snapped, I lost it. I couldn't concentrate on anything. After the first round of the tournament Coach K benched me. I had gone from being a definite first round pick in the NBA draft, a father and a husband, to a benchwarmer. I had no idea what to do with myself. Thank God for Lucas that summer."

At the mention of his name, I feel her flinch, but she has to know how much he did for me, so I continue…

"He encouraged me to come back to Tree Hill and we spent the entire summer at the beach house. We drank, we played ball, and we ran. He let me be an ass for about a month and then he smacked some sense into me. I returned to Duke in the fall ready to play ball and to prove to everyone that I was ready for the NBA. Luckily, Coach K saw the change in me and gave me a chance. It was during the basketball season I realized that I didn't love Haley anymore. Too much had happened and despite my comeback on the basketball court I was still too angry to forgive her. In my heart I still blamed her for everything that had happened with Jamie and with our marriage. I was having a phenomenal season, playing the best basketball I had in my life. We had reached the post season and had made it to the tournament. Once again, everyone was talking about my prospect as an NBA player, and I was on top of the world. At the start of the second half, during the first round of play, I was on a fast break away and went up for a layup. A player on the opposing team ran smack into me and I came down on my knee wrong and it shattered.

I was out for the season. Once again, I felt like here was another person stealing my life away from me. Everything I had in my life was suddenly gone. Jamie. Haley. And now, basketball. My knee, although season ending, wasn't permanent. I had surgery and rehabbed my knee, but my heart just wasn't in it. So I didn't even try for the NBA. I just came back to Tree Hill and have been drinking my life away. Honestly Peyton, I spend so many days engulfed in anger that I can't function. I am embarrassed to say this to you, but it is true. In fact, on my walk over here I tried to remember the last time I came to see Jamie when I was sober, and I couldn't do it.

So basically, my life sucks, and I have done nothing in the past year and a half to make it better. I am the same angry drunk that you had to save when Haley left me, only no one has been here to save me."

As I finish telling Peyton all of this, I have no idea how she is going to handle it. I didn't intend to share that much, or be that honest, but for some reason I just couldn't look into her eyes and lie. She is just sitting there looking at our hands which are still intertwined. I gently kiss her on the forehead and get up and walk away. I just need some space after that confession.

* * *

Nathan left me about thirty minutes ago, but I am still sitting here on this bench watching the sunrise. To say I am surprised by Nathan's confession is an understatement. Never in a million years did I think Nathan would be so honest with me, or did I think that Nathan was hurting so much.

So I just sit and watch the sun slowly creep up, and out of the corner of my eye I see two figures approaching the bench. I am not surprised to see Haley and Brooke; it figures they would come to find me here. They both look a little worse for wear after all the wine last night. I am actually glad to have them join me, I am not sure how to process my conversation with Nathan, and I accept the intrusion gladly.

As Haley and Brooke get to the bench they hand me a blanket and they have a thermos of coffee. They both sit on either side of me, but I quickly get up and put Haley in the middle, so I can hug her, and Brooke follows my lead also hugging Haley. After hearing what Nathan had to say, I am sure that Haley is hurting just as much, if not more.

At the simple gesture of our hug Haley breaks down in tears, as do Brooke and I. After a few moments she looks at both of us and quietly says, "Thanks, I really needed my girls."

That is the last thing that is said as we watch the sun rise into the morning sky. All at once we get up and head to Brooke's car where we pile in. Brooke and I drop Haley of a Luke's where she is staying and head home. I am emotionally drained after spending the majority of the night with Nathan and the morning with Haley. When we get home, we both head to my room and Brooke snuggles into bed with me. Before we both drift off to sleep, I look at her and thank her. Despite my terrible year and how lost I have been, I have always had my best friend at my side. I realized this morning how lucky I am to have Brooke Davis in my life.

I woke up around noon and saw that Brooke had already gotten up. There was a note on my nightstand that said she was going into the shop and that it would be ready for me to start painting tomorrow. I figured that I should probably get up and go see Karen to talk to her about the job at Tric and then I would go to Brooke's shop and work on the sketches some more.

For the first time, I wasn't nervous to run into Lucas, I realized that no matter how it went, I had Brooke to comfort me and stand by my side. And the more I thought about it. I realized I would still have Nathan and Haley and Karen too.

On my way to the café, I stopped by Nathan's and slipped a CD into his mail slot. I wanted him to know that I meant what I said. No matter what, I am not leaving again. Of all the people in Tree Hill, I missed him the most, and surprisingly, I wanted him to have missed me too.

* * *

After I got home from the cemetery I finally found sleep. It was the best sleep I had gotten in the past two years. It had felt so good to say everything out loud and admit how lost I was.

When I woke up I felt invigorated. For some reason being around Peyton Sawyer just makes me want to be a better man. I felt so ashamed telling her how lost I was, because I had always been a fighter, that was the Nathan Scott she had been friends with. So when I got up I put on my running gear and headed out to the beach. It was slow and unsteady at first, but then I found my rhythm and forgot the joy that working up a sweat brought me.

When I finally made my way back to the beach house, I found a CD case lying on the floor next to the door. When I opened it up a piece of paper fell out. It was a drawing of two figures sitting on a bench; I realized that it was supposed to be Peyton and I. I flipped the paper over and all it had were two sentences.

Nate,

You don't need me to save you, but I will anyways. Start by listening to this song

Always,

Peyton

I made my way over to my laptop that was in the kitchen and put the CD in. Before the track started I heard Peyton's voice fill my kitchen saying, "Saving Nathan, Track One" and then the song started…

_Slip inside the eye of your mind  
Don't you know you might find  
A better place to play  
You said that you'd never been  
But all the things that you've seen  
Will slowly fade away_

So I start a revolution from my bed  
'Cause you said the brains I had went to my head  
Step outside the summertime's in bloom  
Stand up beside the fireplace  
Take that look from off your face  
You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

And so Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as we're walking on by  
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger  
I heard you say

_Take me to the place where you go  
Where nobody knows, if it's night or day.  
Please don't put your life in the hands  
Of a Rock 'n Roll band  
Who'll throw it all away_

I'm gonna start the revolution from my bed  
'Cos you said the brains I had went to my head  
Step outside cos summertime's in bloom  
Stand up beside the fireplace  
Take that look from off your face  
Cos you ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

And So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as she's walking on by.  
My soul slides away, but don't look back in anger  
I heard you say

So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as we're walking on by  
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger  
I heard you say

And So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late and she's walking on by  
My soul slides away, but don't look back in anger, don't look back in anger  
I heard you say

At least not today.

After the song ended I heard Peyton's voice once again, "That Scott, was Oasis, _Don't Look Back in Anger_, it's not rap, but it will heal your heart"

* * *

Don't forget, review please :)


	5. Your Soul in Me

**A/N: So here is chapter five. I don't own One Tree Hill, I have no idea where my quote came from except my BFF, and there isn't a song in this chapter. There is some language, so just skip over it if you don't like it, & sorry if it offends you. **

**...and I'm not trying to be rude, but there are 7 people who have alerts for this story & I am so glad that so many people are reading if, but if you could please leave a review it would be awesome. You have no idea how much they pump me up and make me want to get the story updated. So, please & thank you. I hate to beg, but I will.**

**With that, I hope you enjoy :)**

A great friend once shared this quote with me,

"That's my face in the mirror. It's sometimes you that I see; we've been here for so long now I see your soul in me"

* * *

I spent the entire afternoon sketching in Brooke's new shop. When I realized it was getting dark outside I made my way to the art store to get all the supplies I would need. I couldn't remember the last time I was so excited to do something, and I wanted it to be extra great for Brooke.

When I got home there was a note from Brooke on the kitchen table saying she had gone to dinner with Haley and that I could call them and meet up with them or she would just see me later when she got home. I decided that I would let Haley and Brooke catch up and enjoy the sunset on the front porch. As beautiful as our back porch is overlooking the water, the front porch looks out into a park and it is gorgeous at twilight.

As I was enjoying a glass of wine listening to my iPod, I noticed a figure walking up the drive. When I finally recognized who it was, he was too close for me to go and lock myself in the house, so I took out my iPod and said, "Hello, Lucas. Surprised to see you here."

"Peyton, don't be this way…"

And as these words come out of his mouth I go from calm to pissed in about two seconds. "Lucas, I am not being any way. Just trying to relax on _my_ front porch, _undisturbed_. But, here you are, so say whatever it is that gave you the idea to pay me this visit."

When he starts talking again he isn't looking at me and he speaks very softly, "Well, I know you have probably already heard, but I am marrying Lindsey…"

He pauses here like he expects me to say something, when I don't he continues,

"And well, it is going to be in the next few weeks. I know that I am probably really out of line here, but I wanted you to know that you are invited and that I want you to come"

Finally he looks at me, and as much as these words are killing me, I agree. Brooke would make me go anyways, so it's not like I have a real choice.

"There is just one more thing Peyton, I want your blessing. I want to know that you are OK with me marrying her. I just can't do it if I think you aren't ok with it."

The anger that had subsided is suddenly back in full force. "Lucas, I will do a lot of things for you. I will go to your wedding. I will behave. I will be pleasant with Lindsey. But I will not give you my blessing Luke. You knew how scared I was when you proposed, how shocked I was, and even though it came as a total surprise, I never said no. Then you just up and walked out on me. You told the whole damn world that you loved me, True Love Always, in your novel and then when things didn't go just how you wanted them, you walked out and never looked back. You flew straight to the arms of my best friend and said you wanted her instead. So fuck you. I will not give you the god-damn blessing you want so you can sleep better at night next to your precious Lindsey. If you feel guilty that is your fault. But how dare you ask my blessing. No way, no how. Get the hell off my porch, this conversation is over."

As I finish saying this I walk through the front door and slam it. I slide down the door and let all the tears out that I had been holding in. The anger has passed and once again I am just sad and alone. Finally I get up from the door and make my way to bed.

* * *

The dark had just settled and I was sitting on the veranda looking at the ocean, listening to the CD that Peyton had dropped at my house the day before. I hadn't seen her today, but she had consumed every thought since I had first listened to the CD. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't hear someone coming up the walk. When I looked up I noticed it was Lucas and he looked angry. I quickly took out my iPod and shoved it in my pocket, now was not the time to tell him I had become obsessed with thoughts of Peyton, a girl he had once proposed to.

Before he even got to me he had started yelling, "I can't believe that stupid bitch. She can refuse my proposal, pretend that 'not now' didn't mean no, but really yes, then decide that she won't give me the blessing to be married to a girl I love…"

I have only caught bits and pieces of what he has said, but I instantly understand that he is talking about Peyton and for no reason at all, I am suddenly pissed at him, how he dare talk about her like that. He is now staring at me, expecting me to say something, something about how he is right and she is being unreasonable, instead, all that comes out is, "Seriously, you went and asked her for her blessing? You really are a prick."

By the looks of him, I am ready for him to punch me, but instead, he just shakes his head and walks away. I sit back down and put my iPod in and begin to think of Peyton again. I can only imagine how she must be feeling right now. I have the urge to go and see her, but if I remember Peyton like she remembers me, I know she will want to be alone, I will see her when she is ready. Until then, I know I won't stop thinking about her…

* * *

I wake up in the morning just as pissed off as I was when Lucas left last night. I quickly shower and get dressed; I have decided that no matter how dumb Lucas is, I am not going to let his behavior get the best of me. In the past couple of days I have made so much progress, I don't want it to go to waste. Plus, I have Brooke to think about and I can't let her down, the store needs painted so it can be opened.

I walk into the kitchen and find Brooke sitting with Haley drinking a coffee. As soon as she sees me, she runs over and hugs me, mumbling about how Lucas is an ass and carrying on. I realize that Lucas must have talked to Haley last night and she has come over to warn Brooke about it. Finally, Brooke lets go of me and realizes that I have showered and am dressed; I don't think she thought I would even get out of bed, let alone be ready to go out for the day.

After I grab a cup of coffee, I sit down with Brooke and Haley and tell them the whole gory story, from Lucas showing up, agreeing to go to the wedding, and him asking for my blessing and then cussing him out and slamming the door in his face. Brooke, who has tears running down her made up face has the biggest smile on her face and says, "That's the bitchy P. Sawyer I know and love. You will be my date to the wedding and we will have the hottest dresses in the entire place!" Remembering Haley she quickly adds, "And you too, Rock Star Tutor Girl, you will also be our date and also have the hottest dress! However, P. Sawyer does get the hottest, probably red…" and before Brooke can finish Haley and I scream out "No Feathers!!" And the three of us start laughing like the three high school girls we used to be, until we have tears running down our face.

As we start to collect ourselves and dry our eyes Haley says, "Brooke, we may be going by ourselves, it seems that Nathan has taken to defending Peyton lately." Both Brooke and I give her quizzical glances and Brooke says, "As in Nathan Scott, your ex-Husband, her ex-Boyfriend, Nathan Scott? That is funny that he would defend her, P. Sawyer hasn't seen him in years…" I hadn't told Brooke about me running into Nathan at the cemetery and I really didn't feel it was appropriate to talk about in front of Haley. Luckily, Haley started back up before I could attempt to come up with anything.

"Well it seems that when Lucas left here he was pissed, so he went to see Nathan at the beach house and after he finished explaining what happened between him and Peyton, Nathan's reply was, "You asked her blessing? You really are a prick."

Brooke has her mouth open in astonishment and Haley continues, "Nathan and Lucas haven't been in a fight in years, after Jamie and then our divorce, the only one that could get through to Nathan was Lucas. I have no idea what spurred his prick comment, but Lucas is definitely pissed at Nathan."

I look at both of them and shrug my shoulders; thank God Brooke accepts this and doesn't question me. Then I get up from the table, blown away from the events of last night and this morning, and get more coffee. As I return to the table, I give Haley strict orders to keep Brooke away from the store for the day, I want it to be a surprise and know that Brooke is already bursting at the seams to know what I have planned. I then give Haley a hug and Brooke a kiss on the cheek and walk out the door to my car.

As I am driving to Brooke's store, I realize that my cell phone is ringing, it is Brooke. I flip open the phone to say hello, but before I get the chance Brooke has already started, "Ok P. Sawyer, I am amazed that you are out of bed after your little encounter with Lucas yesterday, so I wasn't going to say anything, BUT, you have some explaining to do…especially about how one Nathan Scott came to your defense…Now I could tell that you didn't want to say anything with Haley at the table, but I expect a full run down about what has happened the past two days. So get your scrawny ass home at a decent time tonight or I will break into that store and ruin your surprise. At first, I thought you were up because you were excited to paint again, but now P. Sawyer, I have a sneaky suspicion it is boy toy Nathan Scott that has you motivated. Dinner. Tonight. No excuses."

After this, she promptly hangs up and I can't get a word in at all. As I put down the phone, a smile spreads across my face. Sometimes I think Brooke Davis knows me better than I even know myself. I turn up the radio as I continue into town.

* * *

"That's my face in the mirror. It's sometimes you that I see; we've been here so long now, I see your soul in me."


	6. Come As You Are

Disclaimer: I don't own OTH or any of the awesome songs I used in this chapter

**A/N: Happy Holiday weekend to all you readers in America land, for the rest of you, Happy Saturday! Here is the next chapter in the fic, the long awaited Brooke's store...! Thank you so much to all my amazing readers who left such awesome reviews, believe me, everytime I open my e-mail a smile goes on my face, so please continue to tell me what you think. **

**Also, many of you should be happy to know that Leijona (my friend Mariaana) and I have entered a litle agreement, where when I update, she also has to update...so if you are reading her stories, you are welcome! ha ha But seriously, everyone should wonder over to her page and check out _all _of her stories, they are amazing! **

**So leave a review, it gets you two stories faster :)**

**Enjoy!!**

_

* * *

__Come as you are, as you were, as I want you to be.  
As a friend, as a friend, as an known enemy.  
Take your time, hurry up, choice is yours, don't be late.  
Take a rest, as a friend, as an old memory-uh_

_Memory-uh... Memory-uh... Memory-uh..._

_Come doused in mud, soaked in bleach, as I want you to be.  
As a trend, as a friend, as a old memory-uh_

_Memory-uh... Memory-uh... Memory-uh..._

_Chorus:  
Well I swear that I don't have a gun  
No, I don't have a gun  
No, I don't have a gun_

_--Instrumental--_

_Memory-uh... Memory-uh... Memory-uh... Memory-uh..._

_Chorus:  
And I swear that I don't have a gun  
No, I don't have a gun  
No, I don't have a gun  
No, I don't have a gun  
No, I don't have a gun  
(Memory-uh...Memory-uh...)_

Brooke is standing, blindfolded, in front of me. She keeps squealing, "P. Sawyer, take this thing off of me!" She has been standing in the store for about five minutes with Haley watching her as I run around and make sure everything is perfect.

I have been working on the store for a week and finally it is done. Since I wanted to get a second opinion, I had Haley come look at it last night. Luckily, she loved it, and she assured me that Brooke would too.

Finally, I take the blindfold off Brooke and watch as her eyes dart around the store. "OH MY GOD PEYTON! I don't even know what to say…" Brooke trails off after a few minutes. Haley always the clever one says, "Maybe thank you Peyton? Or I love it Peyton? That is a place to start" Brooke comes up and hugs me and says, "Everything Smart Ass Tutor Girl over there said and so much more, I can't even describe how wonderful I think this is."

I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding, relived to know she liked it. It followed her one requirement, it is happy, but other than that, it is very un-Clothes Over Bros.

When Brooke and I first got to town, she wanted a place downtown near the café for her shop and much to her delight, and to my horror, there was a space available, the record store. Being Brooke, she immediately purchased it and started renovations for her shop. When she asked me to do the painting on the inside, I decided that it needed to still represent the sanctuary that the record store had been for me. I decided to use lyrics from a wide variety of songs to set the mood in the store. Luckily, Max left a bunch of vinyl records that I came across. Some of them I added to my personal collection, while others would become a part of the store's décor.

I followed Brooke as she made her way from the front of the store to the back, more slowly this time, admiring everything that had been done. As soon as I had decided on using lyrics to set the mood, I needed to know the set up of the store and how the clothing was going to be laid out, so Brooke sent for her assistant, Millicent, to come and help me. The combination of the painting, songs and the clothes made the store come to life…

When first walking into the door the customers are greeted with a floor to ceiling wall display where they can go either to the left or right. I divided this wall in half and painted one side all black and the other side completely white. Spanning across the wall I have painted the lyrics of Nirvana's _Come As You Are_ in the signature Clothes Over Bros lilac color. Then there are two display outfits hanging, one a dress from Brooke's high end collection and the other is one of her famous work out sweat suits.

_If you ain't got no money take your broke ass home  
You say: If you ain't got no money take your broke ass home  
G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S, yeah G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S_

We flying the first class  
Up in the sky  
Poppin' champagne  
Livin' the life  
In the fast lane  
And I wont change  
By the Glamorous, oh the flossy flossy

The glamorous,  
The glamorous, glamorous (the glamorous life)  
By the Glamorous, oh the flossy flossy

Wear them gold and diamonds rings  
All them things don't mean a thing  
Chaperons and limousines  
Shopping for expensive things  


_I be on the movie screens  
Magazines and boogie scenes  
I'm not clean, I'm not pristine  
I'm no queen, I'm no machine  
I still go to Taco Bell  
Drive through, Ross, Hell_

I don't care, I'm still real  
No matter how many records I sell  
After the show or after the Grammies  
I like to go cool out with the family  
Sippin', reminiscing on days when I had a Mustang  
And now I'm in...

We flying the first class  
Up in the sky  
Poppin' champagne  
Livin' the life  
In the fast lane  
And I wont change  
By the Glamorous, oh the flossy flossy

The glamorous,  
The glamorous, glamorous (the glamorous life)  
By the Glamorous, oh the flossy flossy

Ludacris:  
I'm talking Champagne wishes, caviar dreams  
You deserve nothing but all the finer things  
Now this whole world has no clue what to do with us  
I've got enough money in the bank for the two of us  
Plus I gotta keep enough lettuce  
To support your shoe fetish  
Lifestyles so rich and famous  
Robin Leach will get jealous  
Half a million for the stones  
Taking trips from here to Rome  
So If you ain't got no money take your broke ass home  
G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S, yeah G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S

We flying the first class  
Up in the sky  
Poppin' champagne  
Livin' the life  
In the fast lane  
And I wont change  
By the Glamorous, oh the flossy flossy

_The glamorous,  
The glamorous, glamorous (the glamorous life)  
By the Glamorous, oh the flossy flossy_

I got problems up to here  
I've got people in my ear  
Telling me these crazy things  
That I don't want to know (fuck y'all)  
I've got money in the bank  
And I'd really like to thank  
All the fans, I'd like to thank  
Thank you really though  
Cause I remember yesterday  
When I dreamt about the days  
When I'd rock on MTV, that be really dope  
Damn, It's been a long road  
And the industry is cold  
I'm glad my daddy told me so, he let his daughter know

Going to the right Brooke and I walked into the section of the store that houses her high end collection of cocktail dresses, pant suites, and evening wear. And as much as I detest pop music, the lyrics that graced these walls were Fergie's _Glamorous_, Brooke squealed when she noticed this and both her and Haley start singing the song. I quickly cut them off and guide Brooke to the next section.

To cut across the store, Brooke and I walk right by the opposite side of the wall that greets you as you come in to the store. Here I used one sad song, Amy Grant's _If These Walls Could Speak_, but it just felt right.

_If these old walls,  
If these old walls could speak  
Of the things that they remember well,  
Stories and faces dearly held,  
A couple in love  
Livin' week to week,  
Rooms full of laughter,  
If these walls could speak._

_If these old halls,  
If hallowed halls could talk,  
These would have a tale to tell  
Of sun goin' down and dinner bell,  
And children playing at hide and seek  
from floor to rafter,  
If these halls could speak._

_They would tell you that I'm sorry  
For bein' cold and blind and weak.  
They would tell you that it's only  
That I have a stubborn strreak,  
If these walls could speak.  
_

_If these old fashioned window panes were eyes,  
I guess they would have seen it all--  
Each little tear and sigh and footfall,  
And every dream that we came to seek  
Or followed after,  
If these walls could speak._

_They would tell you that I owe you  
More than I could ever pay.  
Here's someone who really loves you;  
Don't ever go away.  
That's what these walls would say._

_They would tell you that I owe you  
More than I could ever pay.  
Here's someone who really loves you;  
Don't ever go away.  
That's what these walls would say._

_That's what these walls would say._

_That's what these walls would say._

It is on this wall where I have hung all the old records, some still in their covers, others just the record. I admit, I painted this wall for purely selfish reasons, but Brooke and Haley just squeeze my hands as we stood in front of it, me with a tear running down my cheek. I start laughing at how stupid I must seem crying in front of a wall, so I guide them to the part of the store that was the most fun to decorate.

_I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love  
Love's going to leave me_

I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt  
So sexy it hurts  
And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan  
New York and Japan

And I'm too sexy for your party  
Too sexy for your party  
No way I'm disco dancing

I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I do my little turn on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my carToo sexy by far  
And I'm too sexy for my hat  
Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that

I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  


_I shake my little touché on the catwalk_

I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my

'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I shake my little touché on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat  
Poor pussy poor pussy cat  
I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love  
Love's going to leave me

And I'm too sexy for this song

Haley and Brooke start cracking up laughing as they walk into the unmentionable and casual section and are greeted by Right Said Fred's _I'm Too Sexy_. I will admit, this genius idea came from Millie and she has found the video on YouTube and it is playing on three flat screens in this section. We are all dancing around holding up underwear being goofy when Millie walks in on us. She starts laughing and quickly starts imitating Right Said Fred, down to the dance moves in the video. After getting in some exercise and a good laugh, I show Brooke the last part of the store, the dressing rooms.

_My life is brilliant.__- video/radio edited version__  
Fucking high, __- CD version__  
And I don't think that I'll see her again,  
But we shared a moment that will last till the end._

My life is brilliant.  
My love is pure.  
I saw an angel.  
Of that I'm sure.  
She smiled at me on the subway.  
She was with another man.  
But I won't lose no sleep on that,  
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.  
You're beautiful, it's true.  
I saw your face in a crowded place,  
And I don't know what to do,  
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,  
As we walked on by.  
She could see from my face that I was,  
Flying high,

_You're beautiful. You're beautiful.  
You're beautiful, it's true.  
I saw your face in a crowded place,  
And I don't know what to do,  
'Cause I'll never be with you._

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.  
You're beautiful, it's true.  
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,  
When she thought up that I should be with you.  
But it's time to face the truth,  
I will never be with you.

Along the wall that faces the dressing rooms is floor to ceiling mirrors. In each of the dressing rooms I have painted a verse and the chorus of the song _Beautiful_ by James Blunt. These rooms, like the front are all in the signature lilac color.

Finishing up the tour, Brooke and I tell Haley good-bye and head home for lunch. We are walking down the street when Brooke suddenly stops and turns to look at me and she whispers, "Welcome back Peyton, I have been missing you for a while now." As she says this, tears start streaming down her face and she hugs me. I am sort of taken back by this behavior from Brooke and don't really know what to say. She can tell that I am confused so she continues on, "Peyton, when everything happened with Lucas, I didn't know if we would ever be friends again, I didn't know if you would ever really be OK, and now, here, in Tree Hill, I feel like you have finally found yourself again, and that we have become better friends than we ever dreamed we could be as kids growing up. Walking in that store, I knew you were ok, it was creative, it was happy, it had meaning and I just feel like you being able to create something with meaning means you feel like you have meaning again."

Now, I have tears running down my face and I say, "You are right Brooke, in L.A. when Lucas left, the last thing I wanted to do was be around people, to draw, to do anything that reminded me of my past, I was so lost, but over the past few weeks, I feel like I have begun to reconnect with that girl I once was, and I owe so much of that to you, for standing by my side and staying my friend, me painting in the store made me feel alive, and I loved being able to do something for someone who has done so much for me."

We hug again and Brooke starts laughing as she says, "Well, I love you for being you, for being my friend and for creating such a kick ass store for me, it is going to make the launch party so much better! And here I thought you were happy again because of Nathan Scott!" As soon as the words come out of her mouth she is running down the street towards our house and I am chasing after her, how _dare_ her say something like that…even though, it might be true…

* * *

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	7. Jonathan Carroll & Paramore

**A/N:** Thank you so much to _othisluv, tamarindo, rachtree & leijona_ for your awesome reviews. They make my day and keep me writing. Also, Leijona has also updated her story today, so make sure that you ch-ch-check it out!

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. Not OTH or Paramore.

Enjoy & Leave a review!

* * *

Jonathan Carroll once said,

"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip"

* * *

After I had chased Brooke into the house, we collapsed on her bed laughing and messing around. Quietly, amid the laughter, I said, "Brooke, I think I love him." She quit laughing and looked at me, "Of course you love Lucas Peyton, and you always have." Staring into her eyes, "No Brooke, I think I love Nathan, it wasn't until I came back here that I realized how much I missed him…" I trail off and Brooke just keeps staring at me, I can tell that she is torn, she loves Haley and loved Naley, but she wants to see me get over Lucas…finally she says, "Well then you have to invite him to the party!" like it is the most obvious thing in the world.

"Are you sure? We were going to go together, remember, dates? Hottest girls in the room? I can't just abandon you; the party is your night to shine Brooke."

"Absolutely NOT" she counters, "this party is our party, I have a kick ass store thanks to my best friend, and so it is our night and on _our_ night, you should have Nathan at your side. You think I don't realize how happy he makes you, but P. Sawyer, I see it in your eyes, and face it, you got a bounce in your step when you heard he took your side against Lucas. More than any party or really anything else in the world, I want to see you happy. I meant what I said in the middle of the road, I'm glad you're back, so now go get that boy toy of yours!"

Next thing I know she has literally pushed me off the bed, then runs giggling to my closet and starts yanking clothes out. Fifteen minutes later I am walking out of the house in a different outfit on my way to the beach house. As I am driving over to the beach house my mind runs through the different memories I have of Nathan from high school and us as a couple. I almost turned around, but was equally scared of telling Brooke I chickened out.

* * *

When I got to the beach house I realized that Nate wasn't there, so I took a seat on the back porch and sat watching the ocean. It was so nice to be still and become mesmerized by the ocean's waves. After about thirty minutes, I saw a figure on the beach running towards the beach house and realized it was Nathan. I was surprised to see him running, Haley had told Brooke and me that he had given up any dream of basketball. Even as I was thinking this, I felt my heart beat speed up; I was physically excited to be in his presence.

What happened next, I never would have believed…

* * *

It had been a week since I had last seen Peyton, a week since Luke and I got in a fight and I was feeling pretty lost about all of it. I was confused at all the emotions that Peyton brought to my surface and I was upset that Luke and I hadn't made up yet, he had done a lot for me.

About two days ago, I ran into Brooke while she was out and about in town and she explained that she was bored because Peyton had locked her out of her store and Peyton had locked herself in to get all the painting done for the party. This is one of the reasons I love Brooke, I didn't have to ask about Peyton, she just knew I would want to know. As she sauntered off she said, "See you at the party boy toy!" and winked.

I felt better just knowing that Peyton was out of the house and doing something she loved, I was worried that after the whole Lucas encounter she might not be out of the house for a while. So, knowing that Peyton was trying to become the person she once was, gave me the desire to find the person I had been when I was with Peyton.

I called up a physical therapist and had started doing serious rehab on my knee, even though I had done rehab after the injury, I hadn't been interested in ever stepping on basketball court again, so now I wanted to take every precaution so I could get back on the hardwood. I also called a trainer and set up some workouts. At first, I was embarrassed at how out of shape I had let myself get, but then as the days continued, I felt invigorated.

Running, is my favorite time of day, it is the time of day that I let myself get lost thinking about Peyton. I was ending my run when I noticed someone sitting on the back porch at the beach house, and then I realized who it was, Peyton.

I am not sure if it was the high from all the exercise, or seeing her standing on the beach in a denim miniskirt, but I couldn't help myself, so taking a risk, I only slightly slowed down as I approached Peyton and then I grabbed her and felt her body shiver as my lips crashed onto hers, suddenly, all the nervousness I had was gone, she hadn't pulled away, instead she had kissed me back, passionately.

I picked her up and she wrapped her legs around me as I carried her into the house. Before either of us realized what was happening, we were done making love, a first for Peyton and I, and it was so different than how I remembered sex ever being with her, or even how it had been with Haley. We were lying in bed, her with her head resting against my chest and my arms wrapped protectively around her, when she said, "Well damn, I missed you to Scott, but you didn't have to rip my clothes off me!" and she started laughing.

Joining in her playful mood I questioned, "What did you really think was going to happen when you showed up in that skimpy skirt Sawyer?" In a very unPeyton like moment, I see her cheeks turn bright pink. She hides her face from view and suddenly, shyly, she replies, "Going to ask you to be my date to Brooke's party tomorrow afternoon, that's what Scott." Near the end she gets the edge back in her voice.

"Really, you want me to be your date to the party Peyton, are you sure?" Just like that we have reversed roles and I am the nervous, shy one. "Yeah, I want you to be my date Nathan, I am 100 percent sure."

Again, the emotions that I have had such a hard time controlling recently, swell back up in me and I lean down and passionately kiss her on the mouth, "Well then, I would love to be your date Peyton." With my answer she climbs on top of me and we begin to make love again.

* * *

_Somehow everything's gonna fall right into place,  
If we only had a way to make it all fall faster everyday.  
If only time flew like a dove,  
Will god make it fly faster than I'm falling in love._

This time we're not giving up,  
Let's make it last forever,  
Screaming "Hallelujah".  
We'll make it last forever.

Holding onto patience, wearing thin,  
I can't force these eyes to see the end.  
If only time flew like a dove,  
Well we could watch it fly, and just keep looking up.

This time we're not giving up,  
Let's make it last forever,  
Screaming "Hallelujah".  
We'll make it last forever.  


_  
And we've got time on our hands.  
And we've got time  
Got nothing but time on our hands.  
Got nothing but, got nothing but.  
And we've got time  
Got nothing but time on our hands._

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* * *


	8. Scary Things

**A/N: **Thanks to all my loyal readers and reviewers! You guys are the best. I hope you like this chapter :)

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing!

Eleanor Roosevelt once said,

"Do one thing every day that scares you."

* * *

Everything is happening so fast. I still can't believe that Peyton and I slept together that day she came to the beach house, I can't believe she asked me to be her date to the Clothes over Bros store opening. I can't believe how happy being with her makes me.I can't believe Luke's wedding is in two days. And, I really can't believe that I am sitting here at the river court waiting for Haley. In all honesty, I don't think I have had a real conversation with Haley since the day she told me Jamie died, so I sit here, scared to death, waiting.

After another fifteen minutes of waiting, I see Haley walking along the road, I can tell, even from this distance that she is conflicted and hesitant about coming over to me. So, I start to walk towards her, hoping to meet her in the middle, I need to talk to her.

"Hello, Nathan" she says rather briskly. "I am here now, so let's discuss whatever it is that compelled you to call me."

I can tell she is upset and confused and most of all hurting. "Hales…" I start off, but she quickly cuts me off, "It is Haley, Nathan, only my loved ones get to call me by Hales."

While I was expecting this behavior, it still hurts me, and I know that this is entirely my fault, that I caused her to be this way. "Sorry about that Haley. Well I really wanted to talk to you, because, well you are the only one that will understand what I am about to say. You see Haley, I think that I am falling for Peyton, but I want to know that you are ok with us being together, you are really important to Peyton and she wanted to talk to you about her and I, but I felt that I owed you this conversation because well, you were an important part of my life and you still are important to me…" I sort of trailed off at the end, not really knowing what else to say.

"Nathan, what happened between us was terrible. Losing Jamie was unbearable and we suffered like any parent that loses a child does, but that was then, and this is now. I have started a new life in Seattle and I am looking forward to being happy again, and Nathan, in reality that is all I want for you, I want you to find happiness, so be it if it is basketball or Peyton or whomever, as long as you get your ass out of the beach house and stop being a drunk, I fully support you. Plus, I see how Peyton is healing from being around you. Nate, we stopped loving one another long before Jamie died, and I think it is great that you are starting to heal." Then she gives me one of those Haley smiles and embraces me.

When she reaches up to wipe the tears off my face is the first time I noticed I have started crying and I silently mouth "Thank you". She then proceeds to put her arm around my waist and says, "Why don't we go visit our boy then have some coffee?" I nod in agreement and we start the walk to the cemetery.

* * *

I am seething mad at Nathan. I mean irate. We are talking I am so fucking pissed at him that I left him in bed all alone and I am headed back to Brooke and I's house mad. See, things have been going really well, even if they have been going a bit fast. I mean, it isn't like this is Nathan and I's first go around at this whole relationship thing, even if we are different people than we were when we were together…I don't know, it just gets so confusing. I mean, I was nervous about him being my date at the party, but Brooke was super encouraging and everything was perfect.

_Brooke had already left for the party when I got home to get ready, I knew she was nervous, so I was disappointed that I had missed her. Then I opened my closet to pick out my dress for the night and found that all of my clothes were missing and the closet was empty, with the exception of one beautiful dress. Pinned to it was a note that said,_

_P. Sawyer,_

_If this dress doesn't get you laid, I don't know what will! Seriously though, I love you and cannot thank you enough for the beautiful store you have created for me. I will see you at the party!_

_Xoxo, Brookie_

_P.S. Relax P. Sawyer, everything is going to be fine with Nate tonight, I just know it!_

_P.S.S. I was serious about the getting laid bit ;)_

_I was just slipping into the beautiful emerald green cocktail dress when I heard the doorbell. I quickly put my shoes on and grabbed my purse and made it to the door. I was pleased when I noticed the double take Nathan did when he first saw me. I gently kissed him on the lips and said, "You clean up nice, Scott" and we started walking to his car. _

_Once we got to the party everyone was complimenting me on my painting and asking about my ideas. Always the party organizer, Brooke had decided to do a themed drink for every room with a mini bar in all the areas. The party was a huge success and for the first time in many months I was truly happy. _

_Nathan and I left the party a bit early, as we both were dying to get me out of my dress._

That night, and the ones in the week since then had been amazing. Nathan has been rehabbing and getting in shape to play basketball and I have started working for Karen at Tric, I have already signed a band to play tomorrow night and one the following week.

So I should have known that something bad was bound to happen. I was laying there in bed next to Nathan and he was telling me about his conversation with Haley and how well it went and how they had spent the day catching up. Hearing him talk about his and Haley's day had brought tears to my eyes for so many reasons. I was relieved that Haley was OK with Nathan and I becoming an official couple, but mostly I was just so happy that two of the most important people in my life were starting to heal after all this time. It was then that Nathan gently wiped the tears off my face and kissed me on both eyelids. I slowly kissed him on the lips, when he gently pulled away, "Peyton, there is something I think you should do…"

Right then I knew, when he trailed off and didn't finish his sentence that I wasn't going to like where the conversation was headed.

"What Nate?" I asked innocently, hoping it was something silly, or a sexual favor even, but I knew by the look in his eyes it was nothing like that.

"Well, I know that Lucas came to see you a few weeks ago and asked for you to give your blessing for his marriage to Lindsey,"

I sit silently, not knowing what to even expect. I am truly shocked when he continues to say, "And well, I think you should give it to him…"and then he trailed off.

And I got up and left, I was so mad I left half dressed with just my jeans and bra on carrying my t-shirt.

When I got home I remembered that Brooke was gone, she had to make a quick trip up to New York. Since I am too mad to sleep I pull a bottle of wine out of the fridge and take it to the back porch. I have turned my phone off, unwilling to talk to Nathan and not wanting to be bothered by anyone else. About my fourth glass of wine I break down in tears and realize that I might have really fucked things up with Nathan.

First, Lucas is his brother and his life line, before me, Luke was the one that pulled Nathan out of a dark place, and even more, now that Nathan and I were officially together, why wouldn't I give my blessing to Lucas, if I was so happy, it shouldn't be a big deal, right? All of this comes crashing down on me, so I pour glass number five and let myself really think about this whole blessing the wedding thing.

The sun is just breaking on the horizon and I have pushed the wine aside and started sketching. I hop in the shower and quickly pull on some jeans and a t-shirt and start the drive over to Lucas' house. I realize it is the crack of dawn, but figure that if I don't do this now, I might turn around and never do it again. I timidly knock on the door, I'm not sure if he could even hear it, but then suddenly, I am facing a half dressed Lindsey.

"Umm, hi Lindsey, sorry for dropping by so early, I was wondering, is Lucas here?"

"No, Peyton, I'm sorry, he isn't here, he left a little bit ago, you might try the river court."

I quickly thank her and turn around, headed to my new destination, the river court. As I drive up, I see him out shooting baskets and suddenly I feel very nostalgic. Maybe it is the wine, not sleeping or the fact that Nathan and I had our first official fight, but I think about Luke and I in high school.

After watching him for another ten minutes, I finally get out of the car, and he turns to look when he hears my car door close. I can see the look on his face and he doesn't seem happy to see me, then he seems rather confused, I don't blame him, he was pretty pissed the last time we spoke. Finally, I am standing right in front of him and I'm suddenly not sure if I can do this, part of me just wants to turn around and run the other way, but then I picture Nathan and I feel nothing but calm.

"Heya Luke. Sorry to bother you so early in the morning, Lindsey told me I would probably find you here."

He then cuts me off asking "You saw Lindsey?"

"Well, yeah, I mean I went by your house to talk to you and she answered the door, so I not only saw her, I talked to her" I am being sarcastic and he smirks at me, he is realizing, that I come in peace.

"I'm sure you are wondering what I am doing here, babbling in front of you, so please just let me get this out and then you can talk ok?!" He just looks at me, so I start up again. "Luke, when I came back to town, I came back for you, at least I thought I did. I had been such a mess after you left me when you proposed and I didn't know how to save myself, so I thought the only thing I could do, would be to find you and let you save me. But, I got here, and you were with Lindsey and I just couldn't bring myself to talk to you or even face you, and then that day, you showed up and asked for my blessing. I had just finally gotten out of the house and over my fear of seeing people, and you asked for my blessing. I know, I was immature and hateful in how I responded, and I am so sorry for that. Lately, I have been thinking, and I know in my heart, that I will always love you, you will always have a place in my heart and a part of my soul, but I know now, we are not soul mates, and everything that happened in that hotel room was supposed to happen. What I am really trying to say Luke, is that I am so happy for you, happy that you found Lindsey and want to start a life with her, before I thought giving you my blessing meant I had to give up all the years we spent together, but I know now, like you will always be a part of my past, I will always be a part of your past, so Luke, here is my blessing. Congratulations, I wish the best life for the two of you."

I feel tears trickling down my cheeks, and when I finally lift my gaze to look at Lucas, I see he has tears in his eyes too and then he embraces me and whispers in my ear, "Thanks Peyton, I will always love you too."

We end our hug, I kiss him on the cheek and begin walking back to my car, feeling relived and happy, and then I hear Lucas call out, "Peyton! Make sure you thank Nate for me, OK? I know he is what got you here."

I nod my head and start my car. I turn my phone on, trying to decide if I should go out to the beach house, when I see a music download message Nathan had sent to me.

_Peyt,_

_I'm so sorry I brought up Lucas; I should know better than push you. I know you will deal with him on your own time. Call me when you get this, I want to know that you are ok, that we are ok._

_Nate_

_P.S. You'll find I do know some things about music…_

I download the song and plug my earphones in and suddenly I hear John Mayer's Come Back to Bed. I look and see that Nate had sent the message less than ten minutes after I left his house. I turn the volume up and make my way to the beach house; I hope Nathan doesn't mind staying in bed all day…

* * *

_Still is the life  
Of your room  
When you're not inside  
And all of your things  
Tell the sweetest story line  
Your tears on these sheets  
And your footsteps are down the hall  
So tell me what I did  
I can't find where the moment went wrong at all_

You can be mad in the morning  
I'll take back what I said  
Just don't leave me alone here  
It's cold, baby  
Come back to bed  
Come back to bed  
Come back to bed  
Come back to bed  
Come on back to bed

What will this fix?  
You know you're not a quick forgive  
And I won't sleep through this  
I survive on the breath you are finished with

You can be mad in the morning  
I'll take back what I said  
Just don't leave me alone here  
It's cold, baby  
Come back to bed  
Come back to bed  
Come back to bed  
Come back to bed

You can be mad in the morning  
Or the afternoon instead  
But don't leave me  
98 point 6 degrees of separation from you, baby  
Come back to bed  
Come back to bed  
Come back to bed  
Why don't you come back to bed

Don't hold your love over my head  
Don't hold your love over my head  
Don't hold your love over my head  
Don't hold your love over my head  
Don't hold your love over my head  
Don't hold your love...


End file.
